I can weave my web of deceit

though the lie I tell

only conspires to leave me

alone

clinging onto the edge of the cliff

hanging too free

Too easy

without boundaries

So choice rears its head

Do I carry on

Dead

Do I remove the cloth

Stand

Eye to eye

with Truth

Breathe in the stench

Invite myself

to my life.

 

I could sit here

For eternity

You would not come

I could send up a plane

With a banner

You would not come

I could send a brass band

to your door

You would not come

I could lay naked

on your floor

You would not come

You do not see me

You do do see me

I am standing on the edge

 

It is beautiful

The sand between my toes

The sun cupping my face

I feel warm to the core

 

And then

A shiver

My fingertips feel cold

I touch my face to feel the reality

 

The ocean is vast and the horizon

Feels infinitely out of reach

 

However beautiful it appears

 

The coolness of the water lapping my feet now

 

Reminds me,

Reminds me.

 

I kneel,

Breathe.

 

Shed a heavy tear

 

Push the boat out to sea

Watch it float away

 

Shrinking

Disappearing to insignificance.

 

I stand.

Strong.

 

 

 

 

inevitable connection

inevitable end

haunting influences

suffocate inhibitions

momentary flickers

quickly extinguished

retreating emotions

securing heart

stifling feelings

gagging truth

binding hands

silence

passing of time

embers hold on

waiting for a gentle breeze

 

 

In all my certainty

I let you down

In all my bravado

I let you down

In my unconscious state

I let you down

In my squalor

I let you down

In my misplaced optimism

I let you down

In my skepticism

I let you down

In the decisions I make

I let you down

You can be sure

I let you down

On that

I will not let you down

 

 

Have put my feelings in a box
Lid on
Padlock locked
Key thrown out to sea
Protect my heart
Won’t let you
Keep hurting me

I miss you
I want to pluck you out of life
Your life
Your pain
Your cage
I want you
I long to kiss you for all time
Your lips
Your body
Your soul
I reach out for the key
You wear
You protect
You need
How I long to take hold of
And set you free

You make me strive
To be better
To act better
Believe there is better
You are on no pedestal alone
I am stood right beside you
Waiting for you to take my hand
And fly

And so
Imminent exposure
To truth draws closer
All angles covered
No count to ten
No den to hide
I am increasingly hunted
Cornered
Unable to shrink back to
Molecular level
Magnification adaptable.

While exist
Accounted
And accountable
To exist
Brings both hope
And despair
I balance perfectly on the fence
Straighten my mask
Colour my hair
Squeeze into my pants
Wear high heels
Pour wine
Turn up the music
And dance

Rules
Sense
Maturity
Reason
Sanity
Rationality

Gust of wind

Window open wide

All splattered onto the pavement outside

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